I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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