And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
