thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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