i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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