I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
