There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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