I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
