shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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