u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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