I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
