I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
