there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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