I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
