I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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