I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
