Jerry, you need to find god
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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