i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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