i permit you to call me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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