the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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