Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
