Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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