Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
