I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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