There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
