dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
