she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
