When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I intend to get homeless drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
