this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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