I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i will never coherently bang her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
