At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize