dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize