She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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