absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's shark week go big or go home
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
