Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
