i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
