Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
