i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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