When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
