SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't deserve a penis
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
