Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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