high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
