let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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