doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I smell like Dick and happiness
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
