Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
