All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
