Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
