My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
