We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
