Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
