i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
