that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
