Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
