I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just pee around me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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