She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
