Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
