my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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