They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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