This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize