she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
