No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
