Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
