Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
